Grief Counseling in Fairhope, Daphne, and The Eastern Shore Area
Grief is an intricate tapestry of emotions, thoughts, and experiences that accompany loss. It is an inevitable part of the human condition, yet it can feel isolating and overwhelming. Whether mourning the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or any other significant life change, grief manifests in various forms and affects each person differently.
Grief is as unique as a fingerprint. Each person will experience and journey through a loss differently. It is essential to recognize that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. A common misconception is that grief happens in stages or phases. That grief is sequential. Logical. Consecutive.
Denial → Anger → Bargaining →Depression →Acceptance
When Elizabeth Kubler-Ross initially wrote about those stages, she referred to the dying, not the bereaving. Over time, she incorporated the stages into the grieving process along with the concept of finding meaning. (The book On Grief and Grieving is co-authored with David Kessler.) For sure, this normalized conversations and vulnerability around grief.
Understanding that grief is a natural response to loss can validate the feelings one experiences.
Grief is a journey of integrating the absence of something we once held dear. It is an emotional journey encompassing many emotions. As well as a cognitive journey holding different assertions and beliefs.
Symptoms of Complicated Grief
Life feels disorganized and without meaning
Numbness
Overwhelming emotions
Constantly thinking of loved ones, relationship
Difficulty focusing on day-to-day life
Accept Your Process of Grieving
The first step in managing grief is acknowledging your feelings without judgment. Allow yourself to experience the pain, sadness, and anger that come with loss. Suppressing these emotions can prolong the healing process. It is crucial to give yourself permission to grieve and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings.
When Attachment Style Impacts Grieving
Attachment theory suggests that early attachment experiences form internal working models (IWM), mental representations of the self and others. In the context of grief, these working models influence how individuals perceive themselves in relation to the deceased and how they anticipate the support they can receive from others. Positive internal working models can facilitate the grieving process by providing a foundation for healthy mourning and the ability to seek and accept support.
Secure attachment styles contribute to feeling safe, stable, and satisfied in your connection to others. This reinforces a positive sense of self and increases resilience to cope with grief. In the face of loss, those with secure attachments are more likely to express their emotions, seek comfort from loved ones, and actively engage in the grieving process, which is crucial for healing.
Insecure attachment styles (anxious or avoidant) can complicate the grieving process. Anxious individuals might fear abandonment and worry excessively about their relationships, leading to heightened distress during grief. Avoidant individuals, on the other hand, might withdraw from social support. Making it harder to process their feelings of loss. These insecure attachment patterns can impede the natural grieving process, making it more challenging to heal.
Secure attachments and supportive relationships are vital in helping navigate the complex emotions of grief and work toward healing.
Healing and growth are possible after a loss.
Attending therapy for grief can offer support in processing emotions. Having your grief witnessed is foundational to healing, according to Kessler. This involves having someone present and attuned with you in your grief. It’s not about words or talking; comfort is having someone “hold” the grief alongside you. This witnessing is validating; it honors the gravity of your loss.
Therapy also offers the opportunity for a secure therapeutic relationship while focusing on understanding your attachment style and history that are contributing to your grief. Therapeutic approaches informed by attachment theory, such as Attachment-Based EMDR Grief Therapy, are effective in decreasing the intensity of grief and distress.
Growth is noted in three primary ways: changes in perception of self, changes in connection to others, and changes in spirituality (Tedeschi and Calhoun). Not every loss results in post-traumatic growth (PTG). In the aftermath of loss, therapy can offer structure into and through the healing and growth process.
What Can I Do NOW?
Offer self-compassion to yourself.
Be loving and kind to yourself. Grieving takes time, and healing happens gradually. Avoid setting unrealistic expectations for your recovery. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a close friend in a similar situation. Activities like meditation, journaling, or hobbies can provide solace amidst the storm of emotions.
Accepting change
Loss often signifies a significant change in one's life. Embracing this change, no matter how daunting it may seem, is an integral part of the healing process. Accepting that life will never be the same again and finding ways to incorporate the memory of the person you lost into your life can facilitate healing. This may involve creating a memorial, continuing their legacy, or simply cherishing the fond memories you shared.
Honoring Your Loved One
Finding meaningful ways to honor your loved one's memory can provide comfort and purpose. This could involve volunteering for a cause they cared about, organizing events in their name, or even starting a charitable foundation. Keeping their spirit alive through these actions can transform the pain of loss into a positive force for change.
Taking care of yourself
During times of distress and grief, everyday routines change, and taking care of yourself may slip before you realize it. Regular exercise, healthy meals, and adequate sleep contribute to physical well-being, which, in turn, affects emotional health. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and yoga, can help you stay grounded in the present moment and alleviate anxiety and stress.
Additionally, support groups may provide a sense of community with people who understand the intricacies of grief.
If you are curious about the stages that Kubler-Ross named:
Denial:
Initially, it can be challenging to accept the reality of the loss. Denial acts as a buffer, providing emotional protection from the shock.
Anger:
As the denial fades, the pain re-emerges, often leading to anger. This anger can be directed at oneself, others, or the situation.
Bargaining:
People may bargain with God, seeking ways to reverse or mitigate the loss. This stage is marked by a desperate attempt to regain control.
Depression:
The deep sadness and despair of the loss set in. Leading to feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and overwhelming sorrow.
Acceptance:
Over time, acceptance comes as the individual begins to come to terms with the reality of the loss. It doesn’t mean forgetting but instead finding a way to move forward with life.
Grief is a universal experience, yet it is personal. Managing grief involves acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, and finding healthy coping strategies. Embracing change and honoring your loved one's memory can transform the grieving process into a journey of healing and personal growth. Remember, healing is the journey of integrating loss and vacant spaces into today, tomorrow, and the rest of your life. It is about learning to live with the loss and finding a new way forward, carrying the love and memories in your heart. Through self-compassion, patience, and support, you can navigate the depths of grief and emerge stronger, with a renewed sense of purpose and hope for the future.
“
Grief. With now without
The loss of what was to be
Healing evolves. Growth
”
Ready to Begin Grief Counseling in Fairhope, Daphne, or the Eastern Shore Area?
If you're struggling with the weight of grief and seeking support with grief counseling, it's time to take that first step toward healing. Reach out to Julia W. Stone, who can provide the guidance and empathy you need to navigate your journey. Together, you can begin the path to understanding and coping with your grief, finding solace and resilience in the process. Don't wait, let healing begin. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Contact me to set up a 15-minute phone consultation to see if Grief Counseling is right for you
Get to know me, Julia W. Stone, a skilled grief counselor.
Begin coping with your grief in positive healing ways!
Other Services Offered at Julia W Stone
It’s impossible to go through life without hitting some bumps in the road. To help with this, I offer a variety of services at my counseling clinic in Fairhope, Alabama. If you find yourself feeling stuck or uninspired, you may benefit from anxiety counseling or therapy for chronic stress. Additionally, I offer Single Session therapy for those wanting to address a specific issue or concern in a single, focused session. For those struggling with trauma, my services include EMDR therapy, trauma and PTSD, and trauma from childhood. I also provide EMDR Intensive Retreats for those looking for an intensive format allowing for continuous time to develop access to the thoughts, feelings, and sensations associated with the wounded parts of the memories and events you are processing. If you would like to explore other resources, check out my blog to learn more.